OK. Maybe Tifani made me take that picture for our son, Ben. But we still were thinking about him. We sat down this week and watched four hours of "The Bachelor".
I'm not going to blog about last weeks. I am going to fast forward through last week and write who got kicked off:
We lost a Twin, Haley. Amber and Rachel did not receive a rose.
Before we begin this week's episode, I would like to write a segment called: "REMEMBER WHEN:"
- REMEMBER WHEN: I compared Lace to Cicely Strong's SNL Weekend Update character "The Girl You Wished You Hadn't Started a Conversation With' in the Week 1 blog? Yeah, me too. So does Entertainment Weekly magazine. They put the same picture in their The Bullseye section of their magazine 2 weeks ago.
- REMEMBER WHEN: Tifani said that she didn't like Lauren B.'s face and that, although admitted she will go far, Tifani was not a fan of her. Tifani is now a Lauren B. fan. Not because she likes her, but because she thinks that she is manipulating Ben's insecurities into liking her more. If you watch closely, Tifani's theory does hold up.
- REMEMBER WHEN: I said that I did not like The Twins? Well, I would watch a show about them, living with their mom and their 5 dogs, but they would have to River Dance 90% of the show.
- REMEMBER WHEN: I thought Olivia was a front runner. It's obvious that I have no clue what I am talking about. Olivia is clearly delusional and has no grasp of nonverbal communication. Also, she is a bad person and painful to watch. It is only a matter of time that Ben sees her for her true self. Speaking of Olivia...
- REMEMBER WHEN: Olivia's story that she quit her news anchor job to be a contestant on The Bachelor seemed like a cute, romantic comedy situation. I feel like when the season ends we are going to find out the truth about the end of Olivia's employment at the news station. I believe it will go something like this: Olivia was asked to resign from her employer because she fell in love with her station manager. You see, the station manager brought Starbucks for the entire staff one unseasonably, cold day and Olivia noticed that her coffee was the only one with a cup sleeve. Immediately, Olivia knew this was a sign of love and believed that the station manager would leave his wife of 18 years and 3 children for her. Only the love wasn't reciprocated, just like her love for Ben isn't either, and she was asked to resign from her position immediately or a restraining order would have been placed upon her.
OK back to the show. Two weeks ago I had the TOP 3 look like this:
1. Lauren B.
2. Kaila
3. Olivia
with JO JO and Becca on outside looking in.
After last week's episode I have the TOP 3 looking like this:
1. Lauren B.
2. Jo Jo
3. Kaila
Becca still on the outside though.
** TIME MAY BE OFF DUE TO PREEMPTIVE IOWA CAUCUS
VIVA LA MEXICO!!!!!
00:01 "I am excited to be in Mexico City. This is going to be a great place to take the women. This is an incredible city. There is a lot of culture, there is a lot of history. It's the political and cultural capital of Mexico. The food is incredible. The people are always friendly. I feel really lucky to be here." Ben makes it sound like he visits Mexico City to go to the Farmer's Market every Saturday. Why does ABC always edit Ben to sound like such a tool at the beginning of each episode? Only to make the viewer love him more at the end of each episode would be the answer.
00:03 ONE on ONE DATE CARD
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00:08 It's 4:20 in the morning and the date is beginning. Ben is going to wake up the girl's in their element. It's cheesy but entertaining. The girls are embarrassed and Lauren H. is rocking a retainer. Ben eases the awkward situation by saying, "I wear a retainer to bed, too." Sure you do, Ben. Like we believe perfection need to be retained. Somehow, Amanda wakes up in perfect condition and cartoon blue birds and cartoon baby deer helped her get ready for the date in 15 minutes.
Olivia and Lauren H. talk about their worries that Amanda the Mom might not be a good fit for Ben.
Ben and Amanda are going up in a hot air balloon, which I assume we all knew by the lack of creativity in the clue on the One on One Date Card.
"We can see the ancient city of Teotihuacan. One of the largest cities of the ancient world," says Ben. Then he points to a pyramid and says, "That one pyramid is the same size as, like, the Great Pyramid of Egypt." Ben is either really, really smart or getting spoon fed the facts from ABC producers. I was a History major and a geography teacher and I had to rewind and google the spelling of "Teotihuacan". He, on the other hand, pronounced it like a native.
00:19 The Group Date card arrives. Everyone but Lauren H. is invited, which means she gets a One on One with Ben. She is excited. Jubilee hates Group Dates. Olivia hates Lauren H.
00:21 Back to the Amanda & Ben Date. The rest of the date is very typical. Amanda explains how her marriage was not a happy union and tells Ben how safe he makes her feel. Tifani says, "She is definitely going to marry a former BMX dude who wears all black and has flat billed hats." We both know she is describing TJ Lavin and but don't share the name because neither wants to admit the crush we have on the "MTV The Challenge" host.
Ben offers her a rose, keeping her safe. There is no chemistry between them, however. Even the kiss seemed forced.
00:30 Group Date Time
The group are going to be cooking a meal but first learning Spanish. The entire date is actually quite dumb but really all I think about is why does Ben need to learn Spanish if he is so enlightened in the workings of Mexican culture.
Time to cook food. At the market, the girls learn they can work in pairs to cook a authentic Mexican meal. Olivia jumps in and claims Ben as her partner at the same time Jubilee does. Olivia wins. Ben does not look happy.
The girls are in the market trying to get ingredients for the meal while ordering in Spanish. There are English words all over the place, like two times more than Spanish words. Stop making it harder for yourselves, ladies! Just use English! If you are not cheating, you are not trying, girls.
Let's face it. Group Dates are the boring portion of the show. Every week.
The dishes are ready to be judge by the two chefs. Jubilee and Lauren B. are the winners.
00:53 Group Date Cocktail Time
Olivia jumps right in to grab Ben first. The rest of the girls can't be too happy about this since she spent the day with him. Jubilee especially.
Ben is doing his best to give one on one time with each girl.
Lauren B. and Ben leave the hotel and walk the city. Did I write, "walk the city"? I meant make out. A lot. Lauren B. is not afraid to lay on the open mouth kiss.
Ben and Lauren B. return and Ben asks to see Jubilee. Her response is a bit awkward. Ben and Jubilee's one on one is getting deep.
Ben is getting real right now to Jubilee. This guy is in it for real and he isn't taking chances. I could do without all these dramatic instrumentals ABC pulls off before going to a commercial break.
01:06 "Do you feel like a this point in time there could still be something between us?" Ben asks. Ben doesn't. Bye Jubilee!
01:11 Ben breaks the news of Jubilee's departure and his angst is visible. JoJo goes in for the comforting one on one. GO JO JO! Lauren B. better remember that object in mirrors are closer than they appear and JoJo is hot on her tail.
01:13 BEN GIVES OLIVIA A ROSE!!! What is he thinking? Is he drunk off of tequila?
01:20 Ben and Lauren H. go on their One on One date. It's Mexican Fashion Week. The surprise is they are going to be on the runway. The date is a nice idea but during this whole date all I can think of is....
01:31 Ben and Lauren H. continue their date at night. Lauren H. tells him about her ex-boyfriend. It is a oddly similar story. There are parallels between her story and the show: "I moved across the country to live with him" (I moved across the country to be in The Bachelor Mansion). "Suddenly out of the blue he broke up with me" (Like the episode when you don't receive a rose, it's coming I promise). "I didn't understand why he would do something like that. It ended up he was cheating on me and one of the girls was my friend" (Ben doesn't like you and he has been making out with other girls including some you call friends).
There seems to be little connection but Ben gives her a rose anyway. Would have Ben strange if he didn't. I mean, the rose was there the whole time.
01:40 Cocktail Hour Before Rose Ceremony
ABC has built up a lot of drama for this. This is when it usually gets catty. Going to try to get everything in the best that I can.
- Olivia is just so smug with that rose
- Loved that JoJo made Ben promise that she won't be blindside
- Lauren B. says she can see a "life, life" with Ben. Ben loved this so much. He needs to hear that type of security.
Olivia, in response to Amanda discussing her two daughters, said that she felt like she was "watching an episode of Teen Mom". The balls on Olivia are HUGE. But Amanda, to explain what foul taste Olivia has, fires back, "You remind me of Snookie from the show Jersey Shore where she was like a hot mess all the time."
Emily decides to tell Ben about how she feels about Olivia and how she is easily offended. Although, she explained that words don't always come out right, she is very emotional and it is not coming out too well. But it is still an effective conversation on Emily's part and Ben is starting to see a flaw in Olivia's personality. I felt like I was watching Rocky IV. I felt like saying, "She's cut! The bitch is cut!" (By no means am I comparing Emily to Rocky. I am comparing Olivia to Drago.)
Olivia smells the blood. Olivia wants to talk to Ben again- damage control. Gives him a ring from a gumball machine. Emily should be proud of herself for standing up to a bully. Instead, she is a hot mess and calls her twin, Haley.
Ben asks to talk to Amanda. He wants to get to the bottom and asks for complete honesty. Dum, dum, dahhhhhh....
Jennifer throws Olivia under the bus, too.
Chris comes in to end the cocktail hour and move on to Rose Ceremony. BUT WAIT! Ben apologizes to Chris for interrupting him and asks to talk to Olivia. The girls speculate what could happen. Thought is the rose will be taken away and she will be sent home.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
I don't know what is worse: the "to be continued" or the final scene of the show.
No rose ceremony tonight.
My Top 3 at the end of the show is:
1. Lauren B.
2. JoJo
3. Kaila
Thinking of running a Facebook group message for the LEAP YEAR February 29th "The Bachelor" episode. Let me know if you want to get in and then I will publish our transcript on the blog.
Here are the rules:
1. You must watch live
2. You must be willing to comment and allow everything you write be published
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