THE DEFINITIVE JOURNEY CHALLENGE

The Journey Challenge is a real thing.  We have all been participating in the Journey Challenge, we just were not aware of it.

The Journey Challenge became apparent when I was in a conversation with my friends Sarah, Klinger, and my brother, Chip.  We were discussing music and I blurted out, "Can we go one day without hearing a Journey song?", and the Journey Challenge was born.

So what is the Journey Challenge?  I am glad you asked.  I am going to explain it to you.  Here it is.  YOU CAN NOT GO ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HEARING A JOURNEY SONG.  

Why?  I don't know.  There are all types of songs from the 1980s that radio stations, terrestrial, satellite, and streaming, alike, can choose from, but every day they rely on a Journey song to get us through the day.

I don't remember Journey being this popular in the 1990s.  But Journey really hit a post-band popularity peak in the mid 2000s.  And I blame three things:

1.  The 2003 movie MONSTER, in which Charlize Theron won an Oscar for playing serial killer Aileen Wuornos .  In the movie there is a roller skating scene with Theron and Christina Ricci and that scene is probably the only thing anyone remembers from that movie.  Unfortunately, when Theron says, "Oh man! I love this song," many people remembered that they loved that song, too.

2.  The 2005 Chicago White Sox.  "Don't Stop Believin'" was the theme song and motivation towards winning the World Series that year.  Here is the story behind that as told to me by my buddy, Parker:  Joe Crede and AJ Pierzynski were at a piano bar and they were all hammered.  Crede yelled at the piano player, "PLAY SOME FUCKING JOURNEY!"  The two of them thought it was hilarious and took it back to the clubhouse.  That night started it all for the Sox that year.

3.  The Sopranos Final Scene of the 2007 HBO series finale.

So now you are all part of #JourneyChallenge and if you click on that link you can see that it's history goes all the way back to 2012.  Feel free to @JAY_FOS me on Twitter with you #JourneyChallenge or write on my Facebook wall.

Before you go on this journey (pun intended), I will leave you with some frequently asked questions about the Journey Challenge.

F.A.Q. ABOUT THE JOURNEY CHALLENGE

• Jay.  Why do you hate Journey?  I don't hate Journey.  I actually do like Journey.  In 1989 my friend, Dusty Driever, and I listened to his sister's Journey Greatest Hits
  
  album at their house and I immediately went out and bought the cassette and rocked that album every night in my auto-reverse tape deck for about two years.  Every time I hear the song "Lights" I immediately think that "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" should be the next song played.  No matter where I am.  That is how much that album is etched in my head.  Plus, how can anyone hate Journey when "Separate Ways" was such a sweet video?  
• What if  I don't listen to radio? I only listen to podcasts.  So what.  Still doesn't make you immune to the Journey Challenge.  When you least expect it, you will get rocked by the power of Journey.  Background music is played everywhere you go and the challenge will win.  The dentist's office, Dick's Sporting Goods, the grocery store, KOHL's, the piano player at Von Maur are all of the best places for the challenge to get you.
• I only listen to 97X and they don't play that type of music.  Am I free from the Journey Challenge?  No you are not and the fuck they don't play Journey.  Not nearly as much as Mix 96 but they do play Journey.   I think they do it to mess with me.  Remember Klinger mentioned before?  He is a producer on Dwyer & Michaels in the morning and sometimes I think he has them play it to see if I am paying attention.  Say "Hi" to Klinger on Twitter.
• Are the people who ruin the Journey Challenge by playing the jukebox at bars as annoying as I think they are?  Yes.
• Any particular days I should be on the lookout for high amount of activity of Journey?  Good question.  Yes.  Tuesday.  "Two For Tuesday" will totally screw your Journey Challenge by 2:00.
• If Steve Perry's "Oh Sherrie" is playing, have I lost the Journey Challenge?  No.  You have not lost the Journey Challenge but the radio station is fucking with you.  They know what they are doing and they are just reminding you that they can end the Journey Challenge for that day at any moment.

Please feel free to include anymore Journey Challenge questions.  I will answer them all.  

Good luck out there.  Attack this challenge with Open Arms and remember everyday to Faithfully try to win the Journey Challenge.  If you choose not to participate and wish to go Separate Ways, that's cool.  I'll Be Alright Without You.  But when you come back, I'll ask you...  Who's Crying Now?

Thanks for reading looking forward to seeing your #JourneyChallenge!

And finally, Be Good To Yourself

MY APOLOGIES

I have to apologize.  I got a little lazy.  I haven't written anything in 2 months.  The first rule of a blog is to be consistent.  I slaughtered that rule.

My breaking point came in two ways.  One was multiple failed attempts at posting a February 29th "The Bachelor" transcript that some readers and I did on Facebook messenger.  I wrote a majority of the transcript out for the blog and then made a mistake during editing of erasing the whole thing.  My next failed attempt was to "screen snap" the transcript.  The over 30 screen snaps could not be applied to the blog.  Even after downloading Google photos.  Very annoying.

The other thing that led me to hold off writing about "The Bachelor" was the multiple comments I received about writing about the show.  I always replied that I never watched the show before, it was just something to watch with my wife and to write about.  I also explained that if you read my original entry about "The Bachelor" you would understand that.  Most people, who wanted to pull my "Man Card", did not even read the post.  They just saw the Facebook post about the subject of the blog.

In between my last post, I have spent a lot of time working on a podcast and now I am starting to see a similar response to the podcast I have been working on, Dap Or Crap Podcast.  The idea of the podcast was to take polarizing topics in pop culture, sports, media, etc. and talk about them.  We launched the show with FX's "The People V. OJ Simpson" and it was a hit.  Although, we talked about other topics in the beginning of the show, we became "The OJ podcast".  Talking with people who were familiar that I was involved with a podcast, they, too, pigeon holed the idea and began to refer it as "the OJ podcast".

 Dap Or Crap had a great run with the FX hit and we might find a new show to break down weekly but we will continue to talk about other things, all with a bar room conversation atmosphere.  This week we have a very polarizing topic about the band KISS.  The topic is: Is KISS a good band or not?  We will be live from PINTS tomorrow at 5:30 if you would like to give us you opinion.  

I plan to write more each week.  They will be about other things besides "The Bachelor".  I hate that I missed writing about Wrestlemania 32 or that I did not make a better effort at a 2016 MLB predictions blog.  Spoiler alert: I think it will be Cubs vs Orioles in the World Series.  Cubs in 6.  I will be posting soon about a fun topic that many of you have heard me talk about but never put it into text.  It is one of my favorite social media experiments.  Until then, I give you a quick "The Bachelor Final Rose Episode" post.

Nearly 9 million Americans watched "The Final Rose" episode.  According to social media, #TeamJoJo was trending in 90% of posts about the final episode.  My question is this: did anyone watch this show?  It was over the moment Ben and Lauren went into the hot tub in the middle of an town that resembled McClausland, Iowa.  I swear Ben stared at producers right then and asked, "Can we just quit the show now?"  There is no way that JoJo was going to win.  At best, she was in the "best friends with benefits zone".  I am glad that Ben choose Lauren.  He made the right choice.

ABC made the right choice in picking JoJo as the next "The Bachelorette".  Story is that Caila was their choice but ABC changed their mind the Sunday before the Final Rose episode. Can you imagine what Kaila went through?  She got dumped.  And I mean DUMPED on TV.  Then, ABC gets her hopes up and then the company dumps her, too!  I imagine Caila is still sitting in her folk's basement, talking to herself as if a camera was still on her and she was giving a confessional.

JoJo will be excellent.  She is smart, driven, and won't be fooled again.  But I won't watch.  I may check in on her every once in a while but I have zero desire to watch these shows ever again.  I would watch a show about Chris, though.

Thanks for reading!  I will be better at putting more content out there.  If you like listening to podcasts and want something a little different, please download or subscribe to Dap Or Crap on iTunes.

"THE BACHELOR" 2/22/2016 EPISODE 8

The Starting Line at 217 Brady Street in Davenport, Iowa will be hosting a "Final Rose Party" on March 7th in their party room.  I encourage any fan of the show to come and watch the last episode with some faithful "The Bachelor" fans!

Tonight is the much anticipated home visits for Ben.  He gets to visit the homes of Amanda, Caila, JoJo and Lauren.  Previews for the show looked intense, so I am hoping that these two hours go fast.

After tonight, we will be down to the final 3.  Going to do a group messenger chat for the February 29th episode and convert chat to transcript for next week's blog.  Rules are still the same, you must watch it live and agree that what you write goes to the blog.

All right!  Let's go!

Orange County is first.  Laguna Beach is where Amanda calls home.  Ben meets Amanda on the beach.  Apparently, Amanda hasn't seen her kids yet.  This seems like a responsible decision: throw your kids into a stranger's arms after you haven't seen them for nearly 2 months.  I'm sure it will go well.

Kinsley and Charlee are Amanda's daughters and they are adorable.  Despite their reluctance to hang with Ben, he does a good job of getting them acclimated to the awkward situation.  Everyone has fun at the beach, so I assume this was an easy date.  The domestic side is going to test Ben's true feelings for Amanda.

00:12:  Back from commercial and we get to hear Charlee crying in the car.  Probably because ABC producers didn't let her take a nap.  Ben admits that, "The car ride was a little rough."  Ben gets to meet Amanda's family, John (Dad),  Michelle (Mom), and Sister.  Family has some reservations about Ben's age and his ability to be a father.

Amanda's parents are clearly over compensating because they gave their blessing to the douche that Amanda divorced.  Ben is a good dude.  They shouldn't be so guarded.  The final verdict is that Ben is sweet and that the family would be happy to see Amanda with Ben.

00:26:  Next stop is Portland, Oregon to visit Lauren.  Ben and Lauren hug and immediately compare tight pants and argue over who wears the tightest pants.  I'm kidding about the tight pants argument.  Ben seriously wears some tight pants, though.

After sampling the cuisine of the Portland food trucks, Lauren pulls a one on one date on Ben and takes him to a private whiskey library.  Very cool date for Lauren.  Time to go meet "the fam," says Lauren.

"I'm in love with Ben but I haven't told him that.  I think I just need him to meet my family before telling him how I feel.  If I get my family's approval, I will definitely tell Ben that I am in love with him," confesses Lauren.

Dave (Dad), Kristen (Mom), Molly (Sister), Bryant? (Brother),  and Bret? (younger brother) meet Ben.  Molly seems like the jealous older sister.  I get bad vibes from her.  Notice that she is not married.  Molly grabs Ben first and asks for a relationship rundown from Ben and admits that she is hesitant and skeptical.  Ben gets emotional when describing Lauren to Molly and immediately wins Molly over.  If Molly is currently dating someone, I feel bad for him.  I bet every twenty minutes she asks her current beau, "Do you cry when describing me to someone?  Because Ben does when trying to describe Lauren and I want you to feel that way about me."  Every. Twenty. Minutes.

Dave is a cool dude.  Lauren and her father look a lot alike.  Dave lays down that dating on a reality, game show is different than a real life courtship.  Ben admits that he is not coping well and it is tough dealing with his current situation of dating four girls.  Must be excruciating.

Dave and Lauren privately talk.  Dave is very protective of his baby "LoLo" and rightfully so.  He is very grounded and puts things into perspective for Lauren.  I don't know if this means Dave gave his blessing because Lauren did not tell Ben that she is in love with him.

00:48:  Ben visits Hudson, Ohio to meet Caila and her family.  Ben and Caila walk through her hometown.  How they can move is beyond me.  Seriously.  These tight pants.  I can't take it.  I thought the 90's fashion was coming back.  A little loose fitting materials never hurt anyone or hurt anyone to let their skin breath.  Caila takes Ben to a bench near her old high school and says, "I feel like I always watched couples come to this bench and I always dreamed about taking someone special her someday.  You are the first person I thought is worthy of the bench."  They fulfill her high school fantasy of making out on the bench.

Caila's dad is the CEO of Step 2 kids toy company.  They are going to design a house and they are going to build it in the factory.  I am familiar with Step 2 so I thought this date was especially cool.  Caila, however.  I just don't know about her.  One minute she is as beautiful as a Disney princess and then the next she looks like Sarah Jessica Parker in Footloose.

The Officer and a Gentleman moment at the end of the warehouse scene was a little too much for me.

00:58:  Ben is meeting Chris (Dad), Rosanna (Mom), and Chris (little brother).  Caila says that she hopes her parents approval validates her falling in love with Ben.  Chris fires out wanting to know how to deal with "microwave fame".  Great line.

Rosanna grabs Ben first and wants to know what grabbed Ben's attention about Caila.  He describes her leaping into his arms and tries to translate her confusing confessional from two weeks ago.  Chris and Caila talk.  Chris asks some great questions.  The fathers so far have been great- guarded and protective, yet open to learn about Ben.

Caila and Rosanna talk about how Caila knows that she is in love with Ben.  Caila can stop calling her mom, "Mommy", at any moment.  It's creepy.  Rosanna tells Caila to confess her love to Ben and that she thinks Ben is in love with Caila.  Rosanna has never seen Ben look at Lauren.  Bad advice, mommy!  Caila gets cold feet with sharing her affection at the limo.  Instead she eats his face.

01:28:  Dallas, Texas is the home of JoJo.  She arrives to her doorstep to a bouquet of roses.  THIS IS CRAZY!!!  JoJo got a letter from her ex-boyfriend but she didn't know it was from him.  She thought it was from Ben.  On camera, she reads the letter and while reading it she realizes that is not from Ben.  This might have been an all time low from the producers to do that to her before Ben arrives at her door step.  She is an emotional wreck. I am frantically googling professional athletes in Dallas named "Chad".  I heard that JoJo is a jersey chaser.  I found nothing.

Anyway, JoJo is on the phone with "Chad" (I'm sure it is a fake name).  "Chad" says, "if you are done with me.  Tell me right now."  JoJo does not answer "Chad".  Next we have Ben knocking on the door and he can tell things are not copacetic.  She shows Ben the flowers and explains the situation.  Why didn't she throw the flowers in the trash?  Ben admits that he is very uncomfortable with the situation because of past experiences.  JoJo assures Ben that in her conversation with "Chad" that she told him that the past and "Chad" are behind her.

01:26:  JoJo's house is a mansion.  It is no surprise, either.  I think her dad is the actor who was in the Charmin commercials in the 1980's.  Remember that dude?  "Don't squeeze the Charmin!"  Or Sgt. Slaughter from professional wrestling.  I can't decide.

Also, her brothers look like they could be characters Doug and Steve Butabi were based on for SNL sketches and the movie, "A Night At The Roxbury".

JoJo's family is very excited to see her.  Ben meets Ciara (Mom), Matt (oldest brother), Joe (Dad), Ben (other brother) and Rachel (sister).  JoJo's mom immediately wants to know what separates JoJo from the rest of the girls and the siblings continue the grilling.  It seems like they want Ben to move to Dallas.  Brother Ben compares his relationship with JoJo as "parental" and he feels he can't say that Bachelor Ben is "generally terrific".  Well, JoJo's brother, Ben, I CAN say that in general you are a dick.

Matt and Brother Ben take Bachelor Ben aside to talk to Bachelor Ben and ask him to be as real as possible with JoJo.  Meanwhile, Ciara and JoJo discuss falling in love with Bachelor Ben.  JoJo's mom tells her to go for Bachelor Ben and give 150 percent.

Dad, aka Sgt. Slaughter, explains to Bachelor Ben that JoJo has been in relationships where trust wasn't there.  Ben gives his usual answers, vague but assuring.

JoJo sits down with Matt and Brother Ben.  Matt puts things into perspective.  "How can you fall in love with someone that you have been on two dates with?"  JoJo goes on the defense but Matt pleads for her to keep guarded.  JoJo asks for support from them.  Brother Ben refers to talking up Bachelor Ben so much that he wants to hear the same things from Bachelor Ben about JoJo.  Matt thinks Bachelor Ben is not as emotionally invested in JoJo as she is with him.

"Ben, you've brain washed these girls," says Matt.  The editing is weird on this scene.  Bachelor Ben walks into the room saying, "There is a lot of noise in this room."  This would be fighting words, in a normal situation but I think editing didn't put it in the right reference.  But Matt does come foul and says to Bachelor Ben that he feels that, "Ben is being coached what to say." Ben does not like this statement.  Brother Ben looks like he wants to kick the crap out of Bachelor Ben.  Parents cool down the situation.

Not knowing the whole situation, JoJo walks Ben out the door and asks Ben how everything went.  Ben explains that her mom is sweet, dad is soft hearted and concerned, and that the brothers believe he has a poker face.  Ben is unsettled about how JoJo's brothers and he left the evening.

In a recap of every home date, this is what I have come to understand.  These people allow their daughters and sisters to go on a reality, dating, game show and put their fears, secrets, and privacy out to the general public with no hesitation what so ever, but when they bring Ben home they act like the girl is the most precious woman on the planet and Ben is not worthy of their affection?  Doesn't make sense.  

Also, I think these dates are completely bullshit.  I think the producers pressed each family to have a cynic.  How can Ben not win a family over in four hours?  Do you know how many families I had fooled in that amount of time in my dating life?  Multiple days in a row?  No way do I believe that things could have been that tense on any level at any house. 

01:51:  FINAL ROSE CEREMONY

Holy smokes!  JoJo looks like a real live version of Jessica Rabbit. Amanda's dress isn't too bad to look at, either.  Every girl has said, in their confessionals,  that they love Ben and regret not telling him on their home dates.

Ben gives a great speech, of course he does,  about meeting each of their families and about how special each of the ladies is to him.

Lauren will you accept this rose?
Caila will you accept this rose?

Chris walks in to add to the drama and nails his only line of the night, "Ladies.  Ben.  It is the final rose tonight.  When you are ready."

JoJo will you accept this rose?

Bye Amanda!  Ben is sending a message to JoJo by making her wait until last pick- keep your idiot brothers in check.  Ben asks to walk with Amanda and sit with her.  Amanda says, "I just feel like if you were having any doubts after my hometown date, it would have been nice if you would have let me known then rather than sending me back to L.A. just to send me home in a rose ceremony.  Like I wish it was something that if you realized you were feeling that you would have told me then."

BECAUSE THAT IS NOT HOW THE SHOW WORKS, AMANDUUUUH!  Get over yourself.   Beat it, geek.

"I would like her to know that I care a lot.  It means a lot to me that she trusted me to be with her kids for the day.  *sob* I can't do this right now," cries Ben.  Ben needs to control his emotions.  It's only going to get crazier from here.

Final 3 and Top 3
1. Lauren
2. JoJo
3. Caila

See you next week.  Thanks for reading.  Hope to read see some of you in the Facebook message group.

"THE BACHELOR" 2/15/16: EPISODE 7

I talked about last week's episode more than I have talked about any other episode of "The Bachelor" this season.  I hated last episode.  It was just so mean.  Leah going out of her way to sabotage Lauren B. and then blatantly denying it was sinister.  Lauren not demanding to know the name of who said that she was not acting the same toward Ben as she does when away from him was dumb.  And Ben not divulging the name of the accuser is weak.

Then, they leave Olivia stranded on an island with only the camera crew to take her home was also mean.  Granted, Olivia's actions led me to describe her as "mean as a snake", but does a person deserve that?  It's so annoying that I care.  Here is where I had my Top 3, after an edit, after last week's episode:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Amanda
3.  JoJo

"Welcome to Warsaw, Indiana.  The place that I grew up.  This feels incredible.  It feels so good to be back," says Ben.   I love this sign "The Orthopedic Capital".  Of what?  The world?  The United States?  Indiana?  Kosciusko County?  (I had to look the last one up).  Ben is bringing the six girls to meet the town that made Ben, Ben and the high stakes of this episode is that the survivors get to take Ben to THEIR homes to meet their parents.  

Ben quickly catches his parents up to speed about his six girlfriends.  Yep, that sounds normal- six girlfriends.  Anyway, the girls tour the county seat of Kosciusko County (I had to look that one up, too) and get into a leaf fight.  Seriously.  The producer was like, "Hey Becca, I dare you to throw leaves at JoJo.  It will make a great scene and get you some more airtime."  Dumb.

Ben picks the chicks up in a pontoon boat on the lake he grew up.  All the gals, although hailing from major, major cities make statements about how they would move there with Ben to raise a family.  Ben doesn't even live there.  He moved to Denver.  Do they even listen to him?

00:08:  Lauren B. gets asked to a one on one date with Ben.  Tifani says, "The B. in Lauren B. stands for butter face."

The girls are a little upset about the attention Lauren B. is getting.  This group of girls are going to turn on Lauren B. soon.  And fast.  Faster than the rest of The Bangles turned on Susanna Hoffs after the attention she received from the "Walk Like an Egyptian" video.

00:12:  Ben takes Lauren B. on a tour of his hometown.  Warsaw may be a small town but the schools and Ben's church are huge.  Ben impressively slides in that he was the high school QB1.  Then, Ben tells the story of his first kiss in a movie theater that is now a hotel.  Well, in episode 1 Ben showed a movie theater and said that is where the kiss happened.  Caught you ABC.  Fire your film editor.

Ben takes Lauren to Baker Youth Club.  Pretty good date, if you ask me.  A great insight into what has molded Ben.  I liked that he used the local half court shot hero to snag a kiss from Lauren.

00:17:  Ben surprises the kids with Indiana Pacers Paul George and George Hill.  "I'm star struck.  I'm a big basketball fan.  I grew up playing basketball.  I can appreciate when the Indiana Pacers walk through the door," says Lauren.  "No way she knows who they are," fires back Tifani.

00:25:  Date Card arrives.  "JoJo, let's find love in the Windy City.  Ben."  He isn't even trying to be witty on his cards anymore.

Back to Ben and Lauren.  Ben takes her to a loft he is crashing in.  Lauren wants to address what happened last week.  Ben restates what was said.  It is shocking that Lauren still won't ask, "Who said this statement?"  She says that she doesn't know how to defend something that is not true.  How about confronting the person who said such lies from the beginning?

"This date is not done yet.  I have a spot that means a lot to me.  My local dive bar," says Ben.  I am totally thinking that at Rex's Rendezvous it is going to be John Mellancamp serenading the couple.

Nope.  Instead it is Ben's high school football buddies, Jonathan Moxen, Charlie Tweeder, and Reggie Ray and their significant others doing tequila shots.

00:30:  Whoa!  Whoa!  What?!  Ben and Lauren make out on a roof.  Before going to commercial you can see how tight Ben's pants are.  Apparently, Tif was wrong about what the B. stood for in Lauren B. because it clearly stands for "Boner!"

00:36:  Time for JoJo's One on One Date with Ben in Chicago!  This is a great line by Ben about Wrigley Field, "So this is Wrigley Field.  I always watch the Cubs games here."  Really, as opposed to Soldier Field?  Iconic Wrigley Field sign sends a message to Ben and JoJo: "HEY.  HEY YOU.  YEAH, YOU, BEN... IS THAT JOJO WITH YOU?  IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU ARE DOING MUCH.  COME INSIDE AND CHECK IT OUT!'

For as much as those girls back at Warsaw, IN are jealous of JoJo right now, every dude watching this show is jealous that Ben got to go inside of Wrigley on this date.

The couple takes turns hitting a little BP while pitching to each other.  Ben digs in the box and I say, "I hope he hits a come backer right at her face."  Tif says, "From your lips to God's ears."

00:45:  Group Date card arrives.  Caila, Amanda, and Becca are invited.  Meaning, Emily receives a One on One Date.  Emily's tears of joy create a very ugly face.

Back to the Ben and JoJo date and they have a table for two in center field of Wrigley.  The instrumental from this scene is very close to that from "Field of Dreams".  Tread lightly, ABC, lawsuit might be pending.

JoJo is very thankful he has shared to his adoration of the Cubs but you know that if he doesn't pick her that she will hate the Chicago Cubs forever.

I don't want to write about Ben begging girls to show their vulnerable side anymore.  It is just an every episode thing now.  Ben does have a general connection with JoJo and he said that he is most honest with her but I feel like he would rather be hanging out with Theo Epstein right now, therefore, I still believe she is in the friend zone.

00:56:  Group Date time.  On a lake on a farm, Ben takes them rowing.  He splits them into two groups: Caila & himself and Amanda & Becca.  What a boob. Why can't he put all four in the boat and do the rowing.

Ben explains that the date is actually two dates and whoever gets the rose goes gets the rest of the date into the night and the other two girls go home.  Ben steals Amanda first.  Their talk immediately jumps into talking about Amanda's kids and introducing Ben to her kids.  Important to note here that there is no mention of Amanda going home because she doesn't receive a rose but that she will get to see her kids and so will Ben.  Also, no way Ben is sending Amanda home this late in the game without meeting her kids.  He would look like a HUGE dick.

Becca is up next to talk with Ben.  She is very annoying and seems more concerned about opening up to Ben and getting blindsided.  She needs to stop comparing herself to the other girls and that she hasn't done or gotten anything to make her feel secure.

01:07:  Back from commercial.  I love it when the girl's are all together and talking about what Ben is thinking and the significance of the date they are presently on but when they get to the one on one portion the first thing they say is, "I.  I, just.  I just don't know what you are thinking."

Caila gets stolen away from the trio.  As soon as she starts to talk I get flashbacks from last week.  That confusing conversation returns.  She is digging herself in a hole talking about her anxiety about having a lack of roots compared to Ben.   "I pictured myself as moss and trying to find the perfect tree to grow with," says Caila.  Whatever.

Amanda gets the rose after a speech about wanting to meet someone's family.  This is not a shocker.  Becca and Caila are sent back to the lake house.  Amanda and Ben are going to continue the date.  Becca continues to cry for the cameras.  "I'm just frustrated.  And confused.  And wondering what, where do we go from here," cries Becca.  How about try out for a 3rd "The Bachelor" season?

01:17:  Becca continues the tears, "This is probably the most I have opened up so quickly to somebody."  Didn't you divulge the information that you were a virgin to the previous bachelor on the previous season that you lost?  That is the most open you can get with a person.  Becca continues, "What am I doing?  Why am I here?"  Because you asked the producers of the show if you could be on TV again after you didn't get picked on the previous season of "The Bachelor".

01:18:  "I thought the whole purpose of coming to my hometown was to do the things that are normal to me.  So I wanted to take you to McDonalds," pitches Ben.  GET RIGHT THE FUCK OUT! COULD THERE BE A MORE AWFUL OR SHAMELESS PLUG.  HOW ABOUT A WORST DATE!?  He even asks Amanda, "Do you like McDonalds?," and I am shocked that the producers didn't make Amanda say, "Yes, I do like McDonalds!  So do my kids.  They love Happy Meals!"  So fucking terrible of a date that I feel like I blacked out during the carnival.  Except the most honest thing I have ever heard from this season.  "Fair rides scare me.  They do!  Like, they get set up in a day!" says Ben.

01:30:  Ben and Emily's One on One Date.  The girls are a little concerned that Emily is going to Ben's home.  How do they know Ben is taking her there?  Because they Veronica Mars'd the shit out of Ben's date card that said: "Home is where the heart is."

Ben takes Emily to meet his parents.  Ben's dad has a real Joe Longval look and demeanor about him.  Tifani agrees.  Emily, self admittedly, does not talk well in nervous situations and, boy, does it show.   Emily and Amy, Ben's mom, take off for some girl time.  Ben's mom is trying to follow Emily's conversation but she just isn't translating what Emily's words are saying.  "I feel like I am so average at everything in life.  But I've always known that deep down in my heart that I will be an above average mom and an above average wife," this ding dong says to Ben's mom.

I love Ben's time with his Mom during the post- girl time talk.  She is so worried that Ben might choose Emily that she is brought to tears.

Meanwhile, Emily confides to Ben's dad that she loves, "watching movies.  If she could sit around and watch movies all day long, that would be her favorite thing.  What I don't like?  That would be hard.  I like a lot of things.  I don't like vegetables."  They are sitting lakeside and outdoors and she is talking about watching the "Twillight" saga.

The writing is on the wall and when returning to the lake house, Ben goes right for the jugular.  He doesn't see Emily as his wife.  Ben sends Emily home.  BOOM!  Called it.

I didn't know that there would be two girls going home tonight.  I speculated that Emily would go home tonight and Becca next week but there will be a rose ceremony tonight and another girl is going home on this episode.  Final Four will have home visits.

My friend, Dan O'Brien, texted me during the Rose Ceremony.  I went from not knowing who Chris Harrison was to his appearance being the highlight of the show for me.

FINAL ROSE CEREMONY:
Ben is a wreck.  Chris asks, "What is wrong?"  Ben confides, "I don't know what I am going to do."

Chris gets real with Ben, "Let me ask you this.  Do you see the possibility that you could fall in love with each of them?  All five have that potential to be your wife.  Honestly."  Chris comes hardcore and Ben gets the perspective he needs to go forth with the ceremony:

Amanda is safe due to group date rose.

Lauren,  will you accept this rose?
JoJo, will you accept this rose?
Caila, will you accept this rose?

Becca is blindsided.  She is not too happy.  Ben walks her out.  I wish Ben would have more of a backbone in this decision but he asks her to sit to explain himself.  He handles the situation well and Becca concedes that now is the better time to cut ties before families are involved.

I rarely watch the previews for next week's episode but I am so glad that I did tonight.  Next week is going to be insane!  That look on his face when the kids are being kids... everyone with kids who saw that look simultaneously said, "Amanda is gone.  Ben is out!"

Going into next week, I am holding with my Top 3:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Amanda
3.  JoJo

See you next week!  Thanks for reading!

"THE BACHELOR" 2/08/16: EPISODE 6

Last week ended with a "To Be Continued..." and a really dumb camera shot of a full suited Ben standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean.  The cliffhanger was what would Ben do with Olivia, who was apparently exposed as to not being too honest about who she truly was with Ben.

My TOP 3 last week were:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  JoJo
3.  Caila

All right let's do this!  Going right into the conversation with Olivia.  Ben is very vague as to what the girls have rightfully accused Olivia of and leaves it open to Olivia to defend herself.  She is doing a good job of describing a "target on her back" and that she is different from the other girls because she is reserved and likes to talk about "smart things".  The damage control from Olivia is incredible.  Ben returns to the squad with Olivia.  This round goes to Olivia.

00:06 : "What the f@%k!  How could you possibly be falling for this act that she is putting on?  Olivia's tears are not authentic at all.   They are fake as f@%k.  Olivia is a liar.  What she says means nothing.  It's gonna suck to see someone, who deserves to be here, get sent home because Olivia got that rose," says Emily.  Let's just say when Emily got to lose that baggage she called Haley, she totally turned her game up to another level.  I am a fan.

Before the commercial we get two great quotes from Olivia:
"Come at me, bro," and "Everyone else can suck it."

00:11:  ROSE CEREMONY
Amanda, Lauren H., and Olivia all got roses previously.
Caila will you accept this rose?
Lauren B. will you accept this rose?
JoJo will you accept this rose?
Becca will you accept this rose?
Leah will you accept this rose?
Final rose.  Down to Jennifer and Emily...  Ugh the instrumental is killing me.  It is very intense.
Emily will you accept this rose?

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT AS TO NEXT DESTINATION! "We're going to the Bahamas," declares Ben.

00:21:  The girls are really enjoying the Bahamas and the Grand Isle Villas until Chris drops that there will be three dates this week: a one on one date, a group date, and a two on one date.  I don't know what the two on one date is but Chris quickly explains the severity of this date.  The women who gets a rose on the date is safe, the loser is on a plane back to the states.

"Caila, let's see if our love is reel. Ben."  Caila gets her second one on one of the season.  Leah is not too happy about Kaila and that she has not gotten a date, "Haven't gotten shit," is her exact words.

00:35:  Ben justifies his one on one with Caila by explaining the majority of the date was with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube of "Ride Along 2".

Back at the Villas, Leah is a wreck and can't stop whining about looking like a fool because she hasn't been granted quality time with Ben.  That is not why she looks like a fool.  She obviously doesn't remember her first time out of the limo when she, while in a gown, bent over and hiked a football to Ben.  I do.  Do you know why?  Because that was the last time she was on this show and that is the moment she became a fool.

00:33:  This is my favorite part of the segment so far.  Production has timed up Leah whining about how she could have met Ben in a bar (they both live in Denver) but fate brought them here... wah... wah... wah... and, "He's not taking that leap with me," with Caila and Ben jumping off a yacht into to ocean.  Classic ABC production play on words.

00:31:  Ben is trying to dig deeper into Caila, "Get below the surface," he says.  This is when the girl usually gives up a sad story like an eating disorder or a grandparent who they were extremely close to but they passed right before filming began.

Well, I am wrong.  Caila says she is not ready to cry on his shoulder.  She says she feels like her emotions are being called out.

Things get extremely confusing from here out.  I rewound this numerous times to follow understand Caila so I could keep up.  Caila talks in circles.  "I feel like I love you.  But I don't know why I can't share.  Maybe it's because I am not ready.  I feel like my greatest fear is that I can't totally and completely fall in love with somebody.  And part of me is afraid because your greatest fear is being unlovable and my greatest fear might be breaking your heart.  It doesn't feel right.  It feels like I am going to hurt you."

WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?  Ben is confused, too.

00:34:  Back at the Villas there is a knock on the door.  Lauren B., Amanda, Becca, JoJo, Lauren H., and Leah have been invited to the group date.  "Love in unpredictable, Ben."

Which means the two on one date is Emily and Olivia.  Olivia is confident but does have this stupid comment to say about Emily, "Emily is just young."  THEY ARE THE SAME AGE!!!!  Olivia has done many things on this show so far to make her look or act older than 23.  Tifani calls Olivia, "The Curious Case of Olivia on The Bachelor".

Emily is not without spunk about this date.  She fires off, "I'm going on to fight this battle for everyone that hates Olivia as much as I do."

Have to point out here that Leah's confessionals are starting to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. I am just not even listening anymore.

00:36:  Back to the "Caila and the Confusing Conversation".  Ben said earlier that he felt like maybe Caila will "self eliminate".  I doubt it.  The thing is though, Ben doesn't hesitate to send someone home so Caila better tread lightly with this run around talk she has going on.  Caila looks like she may fall out of my Top 3.

Ben asks her to clarify her feelings.  She starts blabbing about being confusing or confusing Ben.  Caila starts to explain how she knows she is falling in love.  This is just straight up stupid.  The only thing that Caila said that made sense was, "I feel like I confused the crap out of Ben."  She received a rose.  How she did I have no idea.  Ben is so confused he called the date, "one of the best in his life".

00:44: GROUP DATE
Group takes a boat to an island.  An island with swimming pigs that eat hotdogs.  I don't like group dates.  I think it is boring television.  I do, however, think feeding pigs hotdogs on a beach is funny.  That is the best thing about this date.

I'm going to take this time to tell you all about Ben's tattoo.  A little known story that he rarely tells.  Ben's tattoo is Proverbs 16:3 from the bible.  It reads, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed".  Underneath it it says Proverb 16:3 and has a cross.  It is his favorite Proverb.  He had always wanted to get it as a tattoo and purposely got it on his ribcage so he could still look professional.  Sounds about right, right?  He got the tattoo in college and immediately showed his roommate.  Roommate asked, "What Proverb is it?"  Ben replied, "16:3."  "Well, you have 16:34 tattooed on you," his roommate informed him.  The cross is a coverup.  True story.  You can share that and impress your friends.  You can hear Ben's story on the Channel 33 podcast "Bachelor Party with Juliette".

Back to the group date.  Girls are being very quiet and shy away from Ben.  Except Lauren B.  She takes Ben off to the side and the girls start feeling awkward about their chemistry.  Ben feels the tension.  "Everything is misfiring," he says.  He confides is JoJo about what is going on.  "JoJo, out of anybody else here you get it.  You get that it's awkward, you get that it's hard, and you get that it doesn't make sense.  You understand this."  Ben confiding in JoJo means only one thing...

JOJO IS IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!!!!!

00:58: GROUP DATE CONTINUES INTO THE EVENING
Ben grabs Becca first.  He is so worried about the date during the day.  Becca assures him that he is not doing anything wrong but his connection with Lauren B. can be overwhelming.

Now he is talking to Amanda.  I know that he says he is trying to be fair and open to everyone but I wonder if he is just drunk and worried to upset one of these girls's feelings.

01:02:  Leah says, "I am not going to let his (Ben) relationship with Lauren B. stop me from getting what I want."  She says to Ben that Lauren B. is differen't in the house then how they are towards Ben.  She is making Olivia look good.  Then, Lauren B. walks in and says, "It is storming.  Is this a good time?"  Not for you, Lauren B.!!!

Ben tells Lauren B. about the news that he has been told that the person he has the best chemistry with in the house is not genuine to him.  Lauren holds herself well.  You would think she would flip the bitch switch.  Instead, she nails a great line in her confessional, "I feel like I would never use my time to talk about someone else."

So after Lauren B.'s one on one with Ben, she starts to shed some tears.  The rest of the girls console her and Leah, who walked in later, denies saying a thing or her name.  Just mean.  Mean as a snake.  I don't like Leah at all.

01:12: Time for the group date rose.  Ben gives it to the woman who he appreciated for a long time and continues to be the sweet person that they all know.  Amanda receives the rose.  Leah says that she should be more relieved that Lauren B. didn't get the rose but she is upset that she didn't get the rose, either, "Tonight, I am going to have to do something a little more, you know, extreme."

01:19: Leah heads over to Ben's villa with the intention of getting rid of Lauren B., "At the end of the day, the less girls here, the better chances for me."

Ben actually seems excited to see Leah.  That is a true genuine response.  He is bored and happy to have company.  Leah jumps right into the Lauren B. bashing.  "Im not here to sabotage what you have with someone," she says.  THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO! YOU EVEN SAID SO!

Ben doesn't feel this chemistry with Leah.  In his usual bad ass fashion, Ben tells her that they have to say goodbye because of few and far between sparks.  Leah is floored by this.  "I would never have said anything had I known he was going to say goodbye tonight.  I literally did not see that coming," she says.  NO!  GET OUT! *this is sarcasm

Here is what I think.  I think Ben is truly in this for love and that is why he sends chicks home early before rose ceremonies and calls them out when he is confused by their irrational behavior.  So Ben makes some strong choices when he feels necessary.  I don't think you can convince me that Ben chooses who to take on dates.  Be it a one on one, group or this stupid two on one.  I think this is all producers shoving this down his throat.  Just my opinion.  Speaking of the stupid two on one...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES.  "THE BACHELOR", BEN HIGGINS, CHRIS HARRISON, AND THE PRODUCTION STAFF AT ABC IS PROUD TO PRESENT AND SAY "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!  THE TWO ON ONE UNTIL ONE IS DONE!!!!!! EMILY VERSUS OLIVIA!!!!! LET'S GET IT ON BECAUSE WE DON'T GET ALONG!!!!

01:28:  Time for the two on one.  Good to see that Olivia is so confident in her relationship with Ben that she dresses like she is taking her four kids to the local water park at 3:30 in the afternoon instead of going to a "do or die" date with The Bachelor.

The date seems so real.  Everytime the waves crash into the rocks you can even hear "AWKWARD!" when they hit.

Ben and Olivia seem to have a good conversation but ever since Tifani has pointed out the Olivia is burying her feet in the sand on purpose that is all I can focus on.  Until Olivia drops the "I love you!" and Ben seems receptive to the proclamation.

Time for Emily's time.  Her words are fast and furious and they almost seem like she is fighting to stick around.  Tifani, very astutely, points out that when he fixes Emily's hair that he doesn't kiss her.  Very good point.  Doesn't look good for Emily.

Time for the two on one date rose.  Ben asks to speak with Olivia.  Here is my quote, "No way he has the balls to send Olivia home like this.  No way."  Boy was I wrong.  He told Olivia that he could not reciprocate her feelings and he has to be honest.  Ben just leaves her standing there and returns to Emily.  WHICH, BY THE WAY, OLIVIA HAS TO WATCH HIM GIVE THE ROSE TO EMILY AND KISS HER!  Here is the problem, if Olivia truly loved him, wouldn't she have dropped to her knees like someone ripped her heart out?  Maybe I have seen "Braveheart" one too many times.

So they leave the island.  Olivia is stranded all alone.  Her feet still stuck in the sand.

01:51:  Ben is emotionally bankrupt and he wants to skip the cocktail hour and go right into the Rose Ceremony.  I don't blame him.  He has tried to show these women paradise and they have created misery.

Rose Ceremony (but first, anyone notice that Ben will wear a  tee shirts but refuses to wear an under shirt?  And that he refuses to button above the top two buttons on his shirts?  No?  Just me?  OK)

Caila, Amanda, and Emily all have received roses.
Becca will you accept this rose?
JoJo will you accept this rose?
FINAL ROSE
Lauren B. will you accept this rose?

Lauren H. is going home.  Called it last week.

After tonight's episode I have changed my Top 3 drastically:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Amanda
3.  Emily

** This is a change from the original post.  I have to edit my Top 3.  I slept on it and thought about it this morning.  Here is what I think is going to happen.

• Emily is going home next week 2/15.  I can't get over the fact that Ben did not kiss her when helping her brush her hair back on the beach.
• Becca is going home on 2/22.  She sweet and nice but has too much interest in the other girls left compared to her
• Leap Year episode is where it gets tricky.  This is the episode I want to have a group Facebook chat to transcribe.  Caila, I think goes home on this episode.  Her nonsense rant about love is going to linger with Ben and cost her the Final Rose

That makes the Top 3:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Amanda
3.  JoJo (Ben keeps JoJo around as a "wing man")

Let's be honest, Lauren B. could take up all three spots.  Ben adores her.

Again, going to do a Facebook messenger on the 2/29 episode.  The entire transcript will be on the blog.

Until next week!  Thanks for reading!

"THE BACHELOR" 2/2/2016: EPISODE 5

"The Bachelor" blog is back after a one week and some change hiatus due to a vacation.  I did not do the responsible thing and grab a guest blogger, but that doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking about Ben and his search for love.  That is an actual picture that I took on the beach in Jamaica.

OK.  Maybe Tifani made me take that picture for our son, Ben.  But we still were thinking about him. We sat down this week and watched four hours of "The Bachelor".

I'm not going to blog about last weeks.  I am going to fast forward through last week and write who got kicked off:

We lost a Twin, Haley.  Amber and Rachel did not receive a rose.

Before we begin this week's episode, I would like to write a segment called: "REMEMBER WHEN:"

• REMEMBER WHEN: I compared Lace to Cicely Strong's SNL Weekend Update character "The Girl You Wished You Hadn't Started a Conversation With' in the Week 1 blog?  Yeah, me too.  So does Entertainment Weekly magazine.  They put the same picture in their The Bullseye section of their magazine 2 weeks ago.

• REMEMBER WHEN: Tifani said that she didn't like Lauren B.'s face and that, although admitted she will go far, Tifani was not a fan of her. Tifani is now a Lauren B. fan.  Not because she likes her, but because she thinks that she is manipulating Ben's insecurities into liking her more.  If you watch closely, Tifani's theory does hold up.

• REMEMBER WHEN: I said that I did not like The Twins?  Well, I would watch a show about them, living with their mom and their 5 dogs, but they would have to River Dance 90% of the show.

• REMEMBER WHEN: I thought Olivia was a front runner.  It's obvious that I have no clue what I am talking about.  Olivia is clearly delusional and has no grasp of nonverbal communication. Also, she is a bad person and painful to watch.  It is only a matter of time that Ben sees her for her true self.  Speaking of Olivia...

• REMEMBER WHEN: Olivia's story that she quit her news anchor job to be a contestant on The Bachelor seemed like a cute, romantic comedy situation.  I feel like when the season ends we are going to find out the truth about the end of Olivia's employment at the news station.  I believe it will go something like this: Olivia was asked to resign from her employer because she fell in love with her station manager.  You see, the station manager brought Starbucks for the entire staff one unseasonably, cold day and Olivia noticed that her coffee was the only one with a cup sleeve.  Immediately, Olivia knew this was a sign of love and believed that the station manager would leave his wife of 18 years and 3 children for her.  Only the love wasn't reciprocated, just like her love for Ben isn't either, and she was asked to resign from her position immediately or a restraining order would have been placed upon her.

OK back to the show.  Two weeks ago I had the TOP 3 look like this:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Kaila
3.  Olivia
with JO JO and Becca on outside looking in.
After last week's episode I have the TOP 3 looking like this:
1.  Lauren B.
2.  Jo Jo
3.  Kaila
Becca still on the outside though.

** TIME MAY BE OFF DUE TO PREEMPTIVE IOWA CAUCUS
VIVA LA MEXICO!!!!!
00:01  "I am excited to be in Mexico City.  This is going to be a great place to take the women.  This is an incredible city.  There is a lot of culture, there is a lot of history.  It's the political and cultural capital of Mexico.  The food is incredible.  The people are always friendly.  I feel really lucky to be here."  Ben makes it sound like he visits Mexico City to go to the Farmer's Market every Saturday.  Why does ABC always edit Ben to sound like such a tool at the beginning of each episode?  Only to make the viewer love him more at the end of each episode would be the answer.

00:03 ONE on ONE DATE  CARD

Goes to Amanda, despite Olivia's gut telling Olivia that it will be Olivia.  Olivia has a mean girl confessional about Amanda having kids.  I think Olivia's face is meaner than her words.  Or scarier than her words.  My friend, Sarah Wychoff sent Tif and I this.  Pretty good.

00:08  It's 4:20 in the morning and the date is beginning.  Ben is going to wake up the girl's in their element.  It's cheesy but entertaining.  The girls are embarrassed and Lauren H. is rocking a retainer.  Ben eases the awkward situation by saying, "I wear a retainer to bed, too."   Sure you do, Ben.  Like we believe perfection need to be retained.  Somehow, Amanda wakes up in perfect condition and cartoon blue birds and cartoon baby deer helped her get ready for the date in 15 minutes.

Olivia and Lauren H. talk about their worries that Amanda the Mom might not be a good fit for Ben.

Ben and Amanda are going up in a hot air balloon, which I assume we all knew by the lack of creativity in the clue on the One on One Date Card.

"We can see the ancient city of Teotihuacan.  One of the largest cities of the ancient world," says Ben.  Then he points to a pyramid and says, "That one pyramid is the same size as, like,  the Great Pyramid of Egypt."  Ben is either really, really smart or getting spoon fed the facts from ABC producers.  I was a History major and a geography teacher and I had to rewind and google the spelling of "Teotihuacan".  He, on the other hand,  pronounced it like a native.

00:19  The Group Date card arrives.  Everyone but Lauren H. is invited, which means she gets a One on One with Ben.  She is excited.  Jubilee hates Group Dates.  Olivia hates Lauren H.

00:21  Back to the Amanda & Ben Date.  The rest of the date is very typical.  Amanda explains how her marriage was not a happy union and tells Ben how safe he makes her feel.  Tifani says, "She is definitely going to marry a former BMX dude who wears all black and has flat billed hats."  We both know she is describing TJ Lavin and but don't share the name because neither wants to admit the crush we have on the "MTV The Challenge" host.

Ben offers her a rose, keeping her safe.  There is no chemistry between them, however.  Even the kiss seemed forced.

00:30  Group Date Time
The group are going to be cooking a meal but first learning Spanish.  The entire date is actually quite dumb but really all I think about is why does Ben need to learn Spanish if he is so enlightened in the workings of Mexican culture.

Time to cook food.  At the market, the girls learn they can work in pairs to cook a authentic Mexican meal.  Olivia jumps in and claims Ben as her partner at the same time Jubilee does.  Olivia wins.  Ben does not look happy.

The girls are in the market trying to get ingredients for the meal while ordering in Spanish.  There are English words all over the place, like two times more than Spanish words.  Stop making it harder for yourselves, ladies!  Just use English!  If you are not cheating, you are not trying, girls.

Let's face it.  Group Dates are the boring portion of the show.  Every week.

The dishes are ready to be judge by the two chefs.   Jubilee and Lauren B. are the winners.

00:53  Group Date Cocktail Time
Olivia jumps right in to grab Ben first.  The rest of the girls can't be too happy about this since she spent the day with him.  Jubilee especially.

Ben is doing his best to give one on one time with each girl.

Lauren B. and Ben leave the hotel and walk the city.  Did I write, "walk the city"?  I meant make out.  A lot.  Lauren B. is not afraid to lay on the open mouth kiss.

Ben and Lauren B. return and Ben asks to see Jubilee.  Her response is a bit awkward.  Ben and Jubilee's one on one is getting deep.

Ben is getting real right now to Jubilee.  This guy is in it for real and he isn't taking chances.  I could do without all these dramatic instrumentals ABC pulls off before going to a commercial break.

01:06  "Do you feel like a this point in time there could still be something between us?" Ben asks.  Ben doesn't.  Bye Jubilee!

01:11  Ben breaks the news of Jubilee's departure and his angst is visible.  JoJo goes in for the comforting one on one.  GO JO JO!  Lauren B. better remember that object in mirrors are closer than they appear and JoJo is hot on her tail.

01:13  BEN GIVES OLIVIA A ROSE!!!  What is he thinking?  Is he drunk off of tequila?

01:20  Ben and Lauren H. go on their One on One date.  It's Mexican Fashion Week.  The surprise is they are going to be on the runway.  The date is a nice idea but during this whole date all I can think of is....

01:31  Ben and Lauren H. continue their date at night.  Lauren H. tells him about her ex-boyfriend.  It  is a oddly similar story.  There are parallels between her story and the show:  "I moved across the country to live with him" (I moved across the country to be in The Bachelor Mansion).  "Suddenly out of the blue he broke up with me" (Like the episode when you don't receive a rose, it's coming I promise).  "I didn't understand why he would do something like that.  It ended up he was cheating on me and one of the girls was my friend" (Ben doesn't like you and he has been making out with other girls including some you call friends).

There seems to be little connection but Ben gives her a rose anyway.  Would have Ben strange if he didn't.  I mean, the rose was there the whole time. 

01:40  Cocktail Hour Before Rose Ceremony

ABC has built up a lot of drama for this.  This is when it usually gets catty.  Going to try to get everything in the best that I can.

• Olivia is just so smug with that rose
• Loved that JoJo made Ben promise that she won't be blindside
• Lauren B. says she can see a "life, life" with Ben.  Ben loved this so much.  He needs to hear that type of security.

And then this happened:

Olivia, in response to Amanda discussing her two daughters, said that she felt like she was "watching an episode of Teen Mom".  The balls on Olivia are HUGE.  But Amanda, to explain what foul taste Olivia has, fires back, "You remind me of Snookie from the show Jersey Shore where she was like a hot mess all the time." 

Emily decides to tell Ben about how she feels about Olivia and how she is easily offended.  Although, she explained that words don't always come out right, she is very emotional and it is not coming out too well.  But it is still an effective conversation on Emily's part and Ben is starting to see a flaw in Olivia's personality.  I felt like I was watching Rocky IV.  I felt like saying, "She's cut!  The bitch is cut!" (By no means am I comparing Emily to Rocky.  I am comparing Olivia to Drago.)

Olivia smells the blood.  Olivia wants to talk to Ben again- damage control.  Gives him a ring from a gumball machine.  Emily should be proud of herself for standing up to a bully.  Instead, she is a hot mess and calls her twin, Haley.

Ben asks to talk to Amanda.  He wants to get to the bottom and asks for complete honesty.  Dum, dum, dahhhhhh....

Jennifer throws Olivia under the bus, too.

Chris comes in to end the cocktail hour and move on to Rose Ceremony.  BUT WAIT!  Ben apologizes to Chris for interrupting him and asks to talk to Olivia.  The girls speculate what could happen.  Thought is the rose will be taken away and she will be sent home.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!

I don't know what is worse: the "to be continued" or the final scene of the show.

No rose ceremony tonight.

My Top 3 at the end of the show is:

1.  Lauren B.

2.  JoJo

3.  Kaila

Thinking of running a Facebook group message for the LEAP YEAR February 29th "The Bachelor" episode.  Let me know if you want to get in and then I will publish our transcript on the blog.

Here are the rules:

1.  You must watch live

2.  You must be willing to comment and allow everything you write be published

"THE BACHELOR" 1/18/16: EPISODE 3

It is another "The Bachelor" Monday!  We may be starting the show late but we are going to watch it on an actual Monday.  Bedtimes and earaches have postponed our original viewing time.

I've been thinking a lot about the "Race to the Final Rose" this week.  The producers are putting together a good story.  All good stories have a protagonist and an antagonist.  THIS story is so good we have multiples of each.  Caila, Becca, and Lauren the flight attendant are the early protagonists.  Lace and Olivia are the early antagonists.  

Our antagonists are very different.  I put some thought into how to explain both Lace and Olivia to the masses.  Every time I thought about it, my examples and/or references went to professional wrestling (I'm not going to lie, I probably compare 65% of things in life to professional wrestling, so this is not a stretch).

Olivia is very confident that she will be the next Mrs. Higgins.  Her conversations with other potential wives are one sided and her narcissistic confessionals are fantastic.  In the wrestling world, confessionals are known as "promos" and nobody cuts a promo better than "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair.  Olivia is "The Bachelor"'s Ric Flair.  She tells everyone she is the best and there is little any of the other chicks can do to change that.  Here is one of many classic Flair promos:

Lace is unpredictable, mean spirited, selfish, scary, and might be under the influence 90% of the time.  Same could be said of "The Macho Man" Randy Savage.  He would seem like a good champion and then something would snap and he would be considered reckless, toxic, and able to put you in harm's way.  This is how I see Lace.  In this youtube video where Savage attacks Hulk Hogan, there can be comparison's to Lace.  Hulk Hogan is Jubilee, a possible ally (they've been friendly) but more of a "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".  Miss Elizabeth represents The Rose- something they both have a mutual interest in the well being of but not the main prize.  The championship belt represents Ben Higgins- the ultimate goal.  I can totally see Lace say to Jubilee, "You've got jealous eyes!"

I have 99% of conversation about "The Bachelor" with females.  Probably the same is true via text messages (until tonight) and social media.  Maybe girls could use "The Bachelor 2016 Antagonist Analogy" to get the special man in their life to watch the show with them.

Or they could just talk about this blog until your guy friend gives in and watches the show.  This is the case of what happened to my buddy, Dusty Driever, whose wife reads the blog.

Anyway, it is time to start the show and bring on the crazy.  I am hoping Ben continues to drop Laurens because there are way too many girls named Lauren on this show.  Recap from last week: the early frontrunners, in my opinion, is Lauren the flight attendant, Caila, Olivia, and Becca.

1:44:  The girls are talking about Olivia and how she is a "mean girl".  Chris the Host drops that there will be 3 dates this week- 2 one on ones and 1 group date.

Lauren B, formerly known as Lauren the flight attendant because LB self eliminated last week, gets the first one on one invite.  "What do you think we are doing today?" Ben asks.  I so wanted Lauren B to reply, "Hang out with Robert DeNiro and Zach Efron because their movie "Dirty Grandpa" premieres this week," but she didn't.

8:13:  Ben is taking Lauren B on a bi-plane for their date.  I have to show you a text I received from my friend, Marc Van Severan.  The text makes so much sense.  Also, I didn't know he watched the show.  I am glad that I can talk to him about this show now.

So Lauren B and Ben are up in this plane.  If you remember an earlier blog, Tifani is not a Lauren B fan.  She does say this while they are up in the air.

"She should give him a hand job."
I laugh, "I like where your head is but why?"
"Then he will never forget her," she replied.  

Very true.  I've got one of the best co-pilots on this Ben Higgins one way viewing flight to love.

13:23:  Ben and Lauren B walk to a remote location to a hot tub.  I'm not even thinking about how the hot tub got into the middle of nowhere, I'm actually thinking about how many steps they would have gotten on their FitBits and how many steps were wasted on the piggy back ride to the hot tub.

14:25:  Ben totally wants to bang Lauren B in the hot tub.

16:21:  Back at "The Bachelor" Mansion.  Caila and JoJo are talking Caila starts crying about her insecurities of this reality dating game show.  Tifani says, "They do know that they are opening up to their competition, right?  They are totally showing their weaknesses."  She would be hard core on this show.

21:59:  Lauren H is describing her family and it is exactly how Ben described his own family in the season premiere.  Tif, not happily, calls her shot, "Mark my words.  This girl is going to win."  Then she adds, "If she doesn't, she will be the next "The Bachelorette".  So she will be in the final three."

23:12:  Group date card is here.  Something like 10 or 12 girls get invited.  Jubilee, Becca, Caila, and JoJo are not invited.

26:27:  Ben gives Lauren B a rose and she is safe until the next round.  Ben asks her to follow him to another surprise.  IT'S THE DIXIE CHICKS!!!!  Nope.  It's Lucy Angel.  My bad.  I'm pretty sure they are the opening band for Amos Lee because I have never heard of them, either.

32:45:  GROUP DATE TIME
The girls are going to play soccer at Memorial Coliseum.  But first they have to practice with 2 girls from the World Cup winning USWNT, because, you know, soccer is so hard to understand.  I mean every community in the United States has a 4 and under youth soccer league but these grown adults need to learn how to play soccer.

Host Chris shows up at soccer field wearing a number 35 soccer jersey.  The number 35 is significant because it represents the number of jobs he had been fired from and canceled television pilots he was on before he landed this gig.  He gives them the game stipulations.  They will be broken into two teams: Team Sluts and Team Strippers.  Wait.  I heard that wrong.  It's Team Stars and Team Stripes.  The team that wins gets some alone time with Ben.  The other girls go home.

Why do they do these athletic contest?  It's painful to watch.  I'd rather watch those 4 and under youth games.

Team Stars scores first.  Lace is the goalie.  She says, "I didn't know you could pick up the ball, so I just let them score."  I am sure the rest of the quote followed with, "I usually just use my hands to hold my chardonnay," it just didn't make final edit.

In OT, Team Stripes wins the cup and the special time with Ben.  Thank goodness it is over.

54:00:  Time for the special date with just the six girls from the winning team.  Olivia steals Ben and takes him to a hotel room. She talks about how the other girls find her intimidating.  While she does that, the girls trash Olivia's toes and her breath.  Just mean.

55:59:  Jami tattles on the other girls to Olivia about what they were saying.  "Perfection is so lame," says Olivia.

56:17:  Date card.  Tensions are high over being hopeful to get the date card.  Jubilee waaaaay overreacts to getting picked for "Love Is In The Air".

57:41:  The winners from the soccer game are each getting their one on one time with Ben.  Amber's confessional makes her seem nervous.  Her experience gives her fears merit.  She gets time with Ben and goes in for a kiss.  Seemed like a latch ditch effort.  This kiss was Amber's "Hail Mary".

59:36:  HOLY SHIT!  The kiss from Amber paid off.  Ben offered her a rose.  Amber is the Aaron Rodgers of "The Bachelor".  Nice work.  Well executed.  Have to mention Olivia trying to take Amber's moment and making it about her because Ben used her knee to push off the couch.

1:04:07:  One on one date with Jubilee.  Jubilee talks about how she can be socially awkward.  She make comments about him being 20 minutes late and the other girls are very defensive of Ben.  Jami calls her "Awko-taco".

Ben calmly drops, "I think our ride is here," when a helicopter can be heard.  Jubilee is afraid of heights and says, "Does anyone else want to go on my date?"  Majority of the house thinks she is very, very unappreciative.

1:08:32:  After the helicopter ride, they go to a spa.  They are feeding each other caviar.  Ben asks, "Is it good?"  Jubilee does not think it is appetizing.  This girl lived on MREs in the military but caviar is not going to cut it with her.  Only hotdogs.  Jubilee says she is obsessed with hotdogs.

1:11:06:  Jubilee talks about a "white boy" reference she made and was worried about his reaction.  Ben says not to worry, "I ain't that white, I got some..."  Jubilee says, "So I've heard."  This is is second reference to Ben's dong.  In the season premiere, Jami talked about it at their limo introduction.  So if you are paying attention, the girl on "The Bachelorette" spilled the beans that Ben has a big dog in his pants.  Remember, Jubilee LOVES hotdogs.

1:21:53:  I would say this date with Jubilee went very well for her.  Ben really likes the person that she is.  She does have layers, which Ben refers, to her.  I don't think she relates to the girls in the house very well but one on one she can talk to Ben.  Ben gives her a rose.

1:27:03:  Next day back at the mansion.  Many girls are shocked that Jubilee is still there.  Lauren H talks about how insane it is that Jubilee is still there and immediately I think Lauren H was the white chick at the beginning of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" video.

1:29:27:  Cocktail hour before Rose Ceremony.  Ben shares news of people close to him losing their lives in a plane crash.  Even is personal hardship, Ben can deliver news with class.

Olivia grabs Ben.  Not to console him but to talk about being strong when people talk about her looks from waist down.  This was really bad for Olivia.   If you read the text from Marc that I received you will notice that he is empathetic of my time but he wanted to reach out and make a point.  Olivia lacks this quality.  Marc would have gotten a rose tonight.

The rest of the girls seem to want to make him happy.  You know who they don't want to be happy, however?  Jubilee.

1:32:48:  Jubilee takes matter into her own hands (no pun intended) and grab Ben to give him a massage.  Ben was very receptive and happy she did so.  The other girls, Lace most importantly, are pissed and this move.

1:40:48:  Amber tries to grab Jubilee to talk about the "elephant in the room".  It's really uncalled for. Jubilee retreats to a bathroom.  Ben, like a white knight, comes to rescue Jubilee and give her reassurance about how much he likes her in the mansion and how he doesn't want to see her hurt.

1:44:37:  Lace asks to talk to Ben!  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!  Finally!  Commercial.  Ugh.  Lace is emotional.  She says she needs to work on herself.  She quotes her tattoo.  She is self eliminating!!!! THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT.  LACE SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL AND KNEW SHE WAS GOING HOME.  INSTEAD OF GETTING SNUBBED AT THE ROSE CEREMONY SHE CHOSE TO GO OUT LIKE THIS. 


1:52:25:  ROSE CEREMONY

Lauren H will you accept this rose?
Amanda will you accept this rose?
Becca will you accept this rose?  YES!
Hailey will you accept this rose? blah
Emily will you accept this rose? blah #twinning
Rachel will you accept this rose?
Caila will you accept this rose?  YES!
JoJo will you accept this rose?
Jennifer will you accept this rose?
Leah will you accept this rose?
FINAL ROSE... dum, dum, dummmmmmm..

Olivia will you accept this rose?  YES!

Jami and Sushanna are out.

Olivia gives yet another dumb speech about a touch and non-verbal interaction between Ben and herself.

So, the initial top 3 are still there.  I will rank them now.  Before, it was in no special order.  Here is the Top 3:
1.  Lauren B
2. Caila
3. Olivia
Outside looking in: Becca and JoJo (edit credit to Ben Valdez)
Biggest jump this episode: Jubilee

I will be out of town next week for "The Bachelor".  Flirting with having a guest blogger write next week's blog.

Thanks for reading.

To Ben!  Cheers!