2:17: Meet Ben Higgins! He is just a regular guy from Indiana who shoots hoops on a barn like Jimmy Chitwood from "Hoosiers". Nice stereotype, ABC!
3:36: Elementary and high school shots, movie theaters, and Grand Marshal of high school homecoming parade. "Isn't this incredible!" Ben is kind of a tool.
6:00: Time to meet Mr. & Mrs. Higgins. I like them. They have been married 30 plus years and are great role models for Ben. Notice that they don't live on a farm but on a lake.
First commercial break: DEAR LORD HE IS ALREADY IN McDONALD'S COMMERCIAL? HE GETS TO DATE 25 GIRLS AND GETS A COMMERCIAL! Note that The Hopper did not jump over this commercial.
11:40: Time to meet "The Bachelor" alum and totally bro out. A lot of nodding when another bro talks.
Next commercial break. Preview of twins and some chicks from previous "The Bachelor". Also, ABC spoils that there might be drama.
19:55: Time to meet the women hoping to marry Ben!
Lauren, 25. Flight attendant. Beach girl. Cute. Tif doesn't like her face.
Caila, 24. Software sales rep. Dumped her boyfriend because she had butterflies for Ben when she saw him on TV. Might be crazy. Nice smile.
Jubilee, 24. War veteran. Seems intimidating. I feel like she could break the military female perception.
Mandi, 28. Dentist. Embraces the weird. I am not a fan.
"I'm Emily!" "And I'm Hailey!" *in unison "And we're twins!" Ugh. "I'm Jay. And I hate you both. Equally!"
Amanda, 25. Estihetician. 2 daughters. Divorced. Seems nice.
Tierra, 27. Chicken enthusiast. Nope. She's gone. Hopefully Ben sends her home right away so she isn't away from her chickens for more than 10 days.
Samantha, 26. Recent law school grad. Nothing jumps out for Samantha. Sad ALS story, though. Tifani does not care for Samantha.
Back from last commercial. Ben is going to meet these women. Heart to heart with the host. Neither Tif nor I know who this guy is. Ben goes in for a hug. Ben is growing on me. I don't think he is a tool anymore.
LIMO TIME:
Lauren the flight attendant is out. Ben says, "That's a great start."
Caila comes out and jumps in his arms. Caila is an early favorite.
New girl, Jennifer, 25. Small business owner. Forgets to tell Ben her name.
Jami, Bartender, 23. From Canada. Name drops Katelynn. I assume thats the girl who broke Ben's heart.
Sam comes out and tells him she just passed the bar. Drops an awful "Boxer or legal briefs?" pickup line. Who writes this?
Jubilee comes out. Ben says, "Like that dress!" After stumbling over pickup lines she tells him an awful one about the dress. Can't they stop at, "Hi! Nice to meet you?"
Amanda just says "Nice to meet you." Thank you.
New girl comes out. Lace, 25. Real Estate Agent. Goes in and gets first kiss.
New girl. Lauren, 26. Math teacher. Stalks Ben on social media. RED FLAG! And she forgets to tell Ben her name.
New girl. Shushanna, 27. Mathematician. Speaks to Ben in Russian. I think this is a great first impression.
New girl. Leah, 25. Event planner. What!? What is going on? Did she just bend over in a gown and hike a football at him? "I knew you were a catch"???? Just throw him the football. RED FLAG.
Tif and I both groan as a unicorn head comes out of the limo. New girl. JoJo, 24. Real Estate Developer. RED FLAG.
Lauren H., 25. Kindergarten Teacher. Brings Ben dead flowers from a wedding where she caught the bouquet. Ben is too patient with these people, in my opinion.
Laura "Red Velvet", 24. Account Executive. She seems nervous. Could pull off an Emma Stone look, maybe. Not now.
Mandi the peculiar dentist comes out with a big rose on her head. RED FLAG. I am not a Mandi fan.
44:27: A scene with the girls all together. Foreshadowing of bitchiness to come.
Back to the limos, the Twins come out before commercial break.
47:40: Back from commercial and we get a confessional with Red Velvet saying, "I was hoping there would be one ugly person. I have yet to see an ugly individual." Apparently Red Velvet has never seen the movie Rounders. The movie opens with the line, "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table. Then you are the sucker."
I just realized that we are almost an hour into this show. Which means I just realized this show is 2 hours long. Is it always 2 hours long? Dear Lord, I hope not.
New girl comes walking up with miniature horse, Huey. Maegan, 30. Cowgirl. RED FLAG. Congratulations, Red Velvet! You got your wish!
New girl. Breanne, 30. Nutritional therapist. "Gluten is Satan. Let's be honest." Literally, breaks bread. RED FLAG.
New girl. Izzy, 24. Graphic designer. "I had to find out if you were the onesy for me." RED FLAG.
Time to bring up that they keep showing short confessionals of Lace being sort of catty. Tifani tells me to hold on and that it gets worse.
New girl. Rachel, 23. Unemployed. Comes out in a hover board. All I scream at the TV is, "Please blow up. Please blow up." Tifani tells me to be nice.
New girl. Jessica, 23. Accountant. She seems nice. Ben looks like he likes her, too.
Tiarra comes out without a chicken. She actually looks decent.
LB, 23. Fashion Buyer. I like her. She has a genuine thing about her.
Jackie, 23. Gerontologist. I thought the "Save the Date" card was a nice touch. So did, Ben.
New girl. Olivia, 23. News anchor. Ben calms her down her nerves. Nice talk about dimples. I have dimples.
56:19: Host, Chris Harrison (I googled it), talks with Ben. Ben has no doubt the future Mrs. Higgins is in the house. There is no doubt I am exhausted at this point. Need to take a break from this.
** I had to resume this blog the next day. I didn't know it was 2 hours.
60:21: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLE!!! We are in the house and all the girls are convinced Ben is the hottest man in America. Did Lauren, the social media stalker, just call Lace a stalker for doing the same thing? Pot meet kettle.
At this point, there are too many girls talking to Ben and I can't keep track. They either have a life story to share, tell him how attractive he is, or have a funny to story to make him laugh.
66:36: A NEW LIMO! THE BACHELOR TWIST! Two girls are returning for a second shot at love. Becca and Amber. Tif has nicknamed Becca, "40 year old virgin". Shocker- the girls in the house are PISSED about the twist.
74:15: Lace asks for another glass of wine. She needs a glass of water.
76:00: Lace interrupts Jubilee and Ben and gets her one on one time. She is a hot mess. She tried to get another kiss and Ben shot her down! He is doing a great job explaining himself and then, SNAP! Mandi comes and grabs him. Tension is thick in The Bachelor Mansion. Lace is not happy. And she is not sober.
78:04: Ben goes to find Lace to explain himself and why he doesn't want to get physical. This Ben guy, I swear. I think I am getting a crush. Anyway, Lace turns it into a thing about how he singled her out, how much he adores, and how confident she is getting a rose. I wish he would have also told her to dry up. Lace is making Mandi look good.
81:04: Chris delivers a single rose, thus causing more drama. This single rose, I am told, is a first impression rose and guarantees security.
88:25: Ben asks for Olivia. He digs her story and offers her the First Impression Rose. Good call, Ben, good call. I totally approve. Do you know who doesn't approve? Lace. She is angry that he didn't look her in the eye. It is at this point that Tif and I agree that Lace is a cross between Cecily Strong's SNL Weekend Update "The girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation with" and Laurel from multiple "MTV's The Challenge".
And Caila drops the, "She (Lace) is 50 Shades of Crazy." She is becoming my favorite.
The Rose Ceremony Time: I tried to write during this. I swear I tried. I just couldn't. I kept my hands over my mouth the whole time. This was so nerve racking. I agreed with all of Ben's picks except for the Twins, Mandi (except for when she pushed Lace out of the way. Respect.), and Lace.
Wait. Did he really keep The Chicken Enthusiast and the Cowgirl? ABC didn't show him giving either of those two a rose, did they? Never mind. Drunk, crazy Lace is back. "I just want to talk to you. You weren't looking at me." This girl is cray, cray. Ben is getting angry.
"I have a feeling the drama is just getting started." Not only is Ben good looking, he is really, really smart, too.
WAIT! THERE IS AN AFTER SHOW! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!
Season previews are filled with a lot of "I love you"s, kisses, and tears.
All right, Ben let's find you Miss Right. I am in.
Here are my 3 for Ben. In order of how they appeared on the show. Lauren the flight attendant, Caila, and Olivia.
See you next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment